Since January, I’ve been doing an online course, hoping to improve my painting skills. It’s taken time from other art projects, so the abstraction of those drawings is on hold.

After the drawing module and the resulting thirty day challenge, came the “Brushwork” section. Brushwork, as such, is one part of this module.  It also covers value and temperature.

Now, I have to warn you that this course is a challenge for me. I have a lot of drawing experience, but relatively little with acrylic paint, especially painting in a realistic way. I think the drawing is helping, but “drawing” with a brush is a different animal altogether.

I’m not interested in using tiny brushes and being super realistic. What we’re after here is the ability to paint well realistically and to interpret subjects my way. That doesn’t mean painstakingly reproducing what I see. But, to my way of thinking, it does require that I can “paint it as it is” first, then bring in emotion, imagination, and the like.

Here, we come to the challenge! Each week, we’ve had two or three images to paint. Initially in black and white, then yellow ochre and ultramarine were added (warm and cool). At first, value was difficult, especially trying to judge how it would dry because acrylic dries darker. When we added warm and cool to the mix, things got more difficult!

Anyway, I stumbled along, feeling very unsure of my artistic skills. It seemed I really knew very little and had few skills. I was beginning all over again.

With each small painting, and we’ve done about fourteen, I’ve forced myself to begin, just working on things as instructed. Every time, I’ve thought I’m just making a mess, and it won’t look anything like the image supplied. And, sometimes, the supplied image was such that psychologically, I rebelled to the extent that I considered giving up. To be supplied with something that I’d never considered painting before threw me way off. Just today, it was a still life with a glass jar, a couple of generously petalled white flowers, and two lemons for good measure!

I decided to make myself do it, like the other still life we had earlier. As I worked, I could feel the rebellion building. Everything was fine until I came to the flowers. I was thinking, “this is just too intricate, I’ll never be able to paint it.” White flowers, one in the light and one in shadow, so one warm and one cool, and a glass jar! I kept working, looking, and working some more until I got to the all too familiar point where I started fiddling. A sure sign you need to stop. If you can! It’s not “perfect” as a painting, but I think it reached near perfection in another way.

When I posted it in the course feed, I replied to another post, and something clicked!

I had done two things:

1. I had stopped being worried about how it would turn out. At worst, I’d have a fine example of what not to do, and

2. Because I had sort of given up, I was just painting values shapes (warm or cool) where I saw them. With a bit of devil-may-care selection included.

This realisation is a major breakthrough, mentally. All the way through, I’d been wondering how on earth my paintings came together when I looked at the finished product.

During this module, I’ve mostly felt out of control and lacking confidence in my ability. Now, I know the answer!

I need to stop worrying about what I’ll produce and just paint what I see. I’ve heard it a thousand times before, but now, I know it through experience, reflection, and insight. Of course, knowing it won’t automatically feed through into everyday art life. It’ll be a matter of consciously trying to remember. This is, of course, backed up by the art knowledge and experience, good and bad, that I’ve built up over the years, so it’s not a clean slate altogether.

If going back to basics can have this effect, I think I’ll do it more often! Indeed, the third stage of the course, “Colour,” is sure to put me firmly back in the seat of uncertainty. I’m hoping my practice between modules will stand me in good stead as we tackle this multifaceted and complicated subject later this year.